Christmas Blues
by SpecialHell
Summary: Tony/Gibbs, Songfic.


A/N. Warning: Here be mild amounts of angst and slash. Very small spoiler for 9.01 but nothing else (haven't seen futher than that yet)

A/N.2. Song is 'The Christmas Blues' by Dean Martin.

A/N.3. Merry Christmas everyone!

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><p><em>The Jingle Bells are jingling, the streets are white with snow.<em>

Tony pulled the collar up on his coat; cold white flakes landed on his face and made him shiver. Maybe taking a walk wasn't the best idea he'd had this week. Then again, he thought with a bitter smile, it definitely wasn't the worst. Turning the corner, Tony sighed aloud when he saw the busy street ahead of him.

_The happy crowds are mingling, but there's no-one that I know._

He'd only just come from Abby's place. Their annual tradition of watching Christmas movies together at her place was going strong. Tony had tried his best to keep up the enthusiasm, but Abby had seen right through him. She asked what was wrong and Tony, never able to deny her anything, spilled everything to her. Abby had listened patiently before head slapping him sharply and sending him home with instructions on how to fix it. She'd pushed him out of the door with a kiss and a 'Merry Christmas.'

_I'm sure that you'll forgive me if I don't enthuse. I guess I've got the Christmas blues._

Tony had barely taken three steps down the main street before he was turning on his heel and rushing away. All the happy voices were getting to him. Images of a smiling face with sparkling blue eyes swam into view and Tony felt tears sting at his eyes. He didn't know why he thought this time would be different. He didn't even know why he wanted this time to be different.

_I've done my window shopping, there's not a store I've missed. But what's the use of stopping when there's no-one on your list?_

Tony'd had lunch with Tim and Ziva earlier in the week, and Ducky was away visiting relatives. Everyone had been visited; all the wishes wished. They'd all promised no gifts this year but, as always, none of them could resist. He'd ended up with aftershave from Ziva, a very festive tie from McGee, and Ducky had left him a documentary DVD on the history of Christmas. It would probably surprise many people, but Tony was actually looking forward to seeing it. The only person to honour the no gift policy was Abby, but there was a twinkle in her eye that said to keep an eye out. Tony in turn had given Ziva a silver, ornamental Dreidel. For McGee he'd gotten a belt buckle shaped like a Nintendo controller, which had the junior agent grinning widely. Ducky had gotten his usual bottle of single malt Scotch, while Abby had been excited to open her 100% silk, lace-trimmed Victorian style nightshirt. It was only Christmas Eve and already everything that made Tony happy was done with.

_You'll know the way I'm feeling, when you love and you lose. I guess I've got the Christmas blues._

Tony's thoughts sunk deeper as his feet took him on autopilot towards his home. No, he thought, not home. His apartment. The place he lived. Not really home. His home was where it had been for many years now. His home was with Gibbs but, this time of year, Gibbs didn't agree. Everyone knew the routine. Around December 23rd, barring an important case, Gibbs would disappear and nobody would see him again until New Years. It hadn't changed over the years; not even when they'd started their on-again-off-again pseudo-relationship.

_When somebody wants you, somebody needs you, Christmas is a joy of joy._

Tony had never had many happy Christmases. Truth be told he spent a lot of them at boarding school when he was a child. The DiNozzo family tradition of watching 'It's A Wonderful Life' was one he inherited from his mother and, when she died, Senior was too hurt by the memories to carry it on. Tony still did, in honour of her, but it always made him a little sad. That one year when he'd watched it in MTAC with all of his friends had been the happiest experience for a long time. Spending time with his adopted family made Tony feel safe and loved, and for that he was grateful. But it always ended the same; they spent Christmas Eve together and then everyone else left to be with their real families. Everyone except him and Gibbs; but Gibbs wanted to be alone. Tony saw Abby for midnight mass – not something he believed in himself, but the nuns would not be happy if he missed it. That was the closest he got to Christmas with other people.

_But friends when you're lonely, you'll find that it's only a thing for little girls and little boys._

Things had been going well this year. After the thing with EJ was done with and Tony got his memory back, Gibbs had -in short- laid claim to his senior agent. He'd told Tony he didn't want to carry on the way they had. He wanted them to be with each other; only each other. Tony had, naturally, been giddy at the idea. What followed was a few months of bliss. Tony had all but moved into Gibbs' place. When Christmas came around, Tony had hinted about decorating the house, but Gibbs had just made a non-committal noise and ignored the suggestions. The closer Christmas got, the more withdrawn Gibbs became. Tony had called him today but got not answer. All the lights were off at the house and, for the first time in his memory, the door was locked.

_May all your days be merry, your season full of cheer. But 'til it's January, I'll just go and disappear._

Tony could take a hint. Even after all they'd shared with each other; about their families, their childhoods and past loves, Christmas was the one thing that Gibbs wasn't ready to face with him. Tony understood, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He'd hoped to go to Gibbs' house, exchange gifts with the man in person and see if they could honour Tony's mother's tradition together. Instead he was headed back to his cold apartment to watch movies alone. He didn't have any plans for Christmas Day; having assumed he would be spending the day with Gibbs. Rule Eight; Tony's mind immediately supplied. Never take anything for granted. He was making a habit of breaking rules lately.

_Oh Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes, but Santa only brought me the blues. Those brightly packaged tinsel covered Christmas Blues._

Tony turned onto his street, stopping in his tracks. There, leaning against his car; lit like some old movie with snow falling softly onto his black overcoat, stood Gibbs. The older man looked up at Tony, who forced himself to move forward. Covering the distance slowly, Tony stopped in front of Gibbs. He didn't know what to say and before Gibbs even spoke he could feel the tears welling in his eyes.

"Come home," Gibbs whispered; his mouth moving like it always did when he didn't know what to say. "Stay." Tony still didn't know what to say, but his body moved of its own accord. Pulling Gibbs tightly against him, Tony brushed his lips against Jethro's briefly before hugging the older man tightly. He felt the soft chuckle ruffle his hair before he heard the whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Tony."

The End.


End file.
